How to win friends and influence people
In 1936 Dale Carnegie wrote How to Win Friends and Influence People after intense study of effective leadership, the psychology behind why people like each other, and how to approach tough situations without giving offense.
Far from being sneaky ways to get what you want, or sleazy selling tactics, the ways Carnegie describes how to properly interact with others would make the world a better place if universally adopted. You could recognize one of these tactics being used on you, and still feel no ill will towards the person employing it.
This is an overview of the key takeaways from How to Win Friends and Influence People. Read the whole book to get the most benefit from Carnegie’s lessons, and bookmark this page for a quick reference.
“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.”
Even when you “win” an argument, the other person generally reverts back to their old opinion as soon as you part ways. From the get-go, an argument actually makes us dig in because we feel like we have something on the line and can’t admit we were wrong. When you disagree with someone, take the opportunity to sincerely reflect on why, and welcome hearing about the new perspective. You never know, maybe cats are better than dogs after all.
If you are right more than 50% of the time, then why don’t you work on Wall Street? Ask questions if you truly think you are right, and the person will usually come over through their own thought processes. Allow yourself to understand the other person, even (or especially) if they are wrong.
“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.”
Even when you “win” an argument, the other person generally reverts back to their old opinion as soon as you part ways. From the get-go, an argument actually makes us dig in because we feel like we have something on the line and can’t admit we were wrong. When you disagree with someone, take the opportunity to sincerely reflect on why, and welcome hearing about the new perspective. You never know, maybe cats are better than dogs after all.
If you are right more than 50% of the time, then why don’t you work on Wall Street? Ask questions if you truly think you are right, and the person will usually come over through their own thought processes. Allow yourself to understand the other person, even (or especially) if they are wrong.
Principle 27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement
Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”: When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced, and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.
Dale Carnegie said we should admit to our mistakes instead of defending them. Why?
Mistakes are often misguided acts of judgment, and most times the mistake happens without our wish and out of our control. Dale Carnegie said it is better that we admit to the mistake, instead of hiding, as it helps us to progress and we can learn our lesson from it.
Is How To Win Friends and Influence People still relevant?
More than 80 years later, the book is still very relevant. The principles that Dale Carnegie taught in the book like, be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves, talk in terms of the other person’s interest and make the other person feel important sincerely; are things we can apply today and get results.
Explain: Do not criticize, condemn or complain.
It was Dale Carnegie who said, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, or complain.” It was the first principle in his famous book on How To Win Friends and Influence People. Criticizing people around us only makes us enemies and creates negativity. Complaining and condemning only puts negative points in the debit column of our personal and professional relationships.
What are the 6 ways to make people like you?
According to Dale Carnegie, there are 6 ways to make people like you. He wrote them in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. They are: Become genuinely interested in other people, smile, remember people’s names, be a good listener, talk in terms of the other person’s interest and make the other person feel important.
How to criticize according to Dale Carnegie?
Dale Carnegie teaches us not to criticize but if you must do it, here’s how he proposes you go about it. Make constructive feedback by starting with praise and honest appreciation. Indirectly call attention to people’s mistakes and talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders so the other person can save face.
Resource:
https://www.thedailybell.com/all-articles/news-analysis/30-pillars-of-how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/
https://www.thedailybell.com/all-articles/news-analysis/30-pillars-of-how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/
https://bookanalysis.com/dale-carnegie/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/30-principles/